Lived to Tell the Tale
by FearlessTiger
Summary: Sometimes, missions go bad. Other times, they become catastrophes. When your team is composed of an emotionally retarded ANBU, an obnoxious Jinchuriki and your phlegmatic love interest, all you can do is try to survive and keep loving them. AU. 001: Does this confirm the theory that people become emotionally closer when they are nude?


_**Important AN**_**: This story is AU on many levels: most importantly, Sasuke never found out the truth behind the massacre and returned home after Itachi died (I am suffering serious physical pain from having Itachi dead in this story), wanting to start anew with his team as I suspect he would have if Madara had put a sock in it. Secondly, the use of chakra is very different in this approach: chakra is something few ninja can use, and it exhausts them considerably when they do; this is my take on a more realistic universe, when our lovely team is not invincible. Lastly, Sai's personality is strongly based on his emotionally undeveloped self in the beginning of Shippūden, mostly for comic relief, but also for feels later on.**

**That being clarified, the standard disclaimer applies, along with warnings for **_**language, violence and nudity. **_**Please enjoy the story and read the ''unimportant AN'' at the end of the chapter, if you want to know my thoughts about it.**

**Lived to Tell the Tale**

**Chapter One: When You Can't Save the Dress**

It was not going to be difficult, Haruno Sakura repeated to herself like a mantra as the two maids assigned to dress her appropriately for the upcoming formal festivity allowed her a brief moment to herself by scurrying outside the exquisite hotel room, after some meek whispers that Sakura guessed were meant to explain that they would be back with more makeup shortly.

The medic stared into the beryl orbs of her reflection, delicate pale hands resting on the smooth wooden surface of the vanity as she tried to recall the last time an assignment had required such a drastic change of her appearance. Of course, due to her A-rank classification in the bingo books, Sakura needed to hide the true color of her pastel pink hair more often than not under a dark shade of brown, which was currently present on her long tresses; however, this one time, the kunoichi truly had to deem herself as unrecognizable.

They had masked any imperfections of her complexion by applying a thick layer of quality powder on her face and neck, and her dyed, black eyebrows had been plucked into slim arches. Gray crayon and lavender eye shadow accentuated her forest green eyes and Sakura truthfully marveled at the way the black mascara flattered her long eyelashes, as they were nearly invisible when she did not dye them and she was much too infuriated by the difficulty with which she did so to admire them anyway.

The dress she had been gifted with upon her arrival displayed the most wonderful colors in a fascinating manner that was not in the least overbearing to the eye: the straps that embraced her neck and the heart-shaped neckline were white, while the elegant sash tied around her waist in a bow, completing the breathtaking baby-doll style, was a soft lavender, which extended to the rest of the gown progressively, so that the tips touching Sakura's ankles were dark purple. If she looked at the silver, high-heeled sandals and at the romantic curls and delicate braiding of her hair, which now fell almost to the middle of her back, the Konoha kunoichi believed she might forget the person looking back at her was her own self.

Sakura sighed wistfully, French-manicured nails beating a silent, absentminded rhythm into the wood of her vanity. Sometimes, she wondered who she might have been if she had never decided to become a ninja: her natural abilities of rapid comprehension and memorization would have definitely aided her in successfully graduating civilian school, and she knew she possessed a set of talents that could have helped her undertake any profession ranging from surgeon to consul. Maybe, in that faraway universe, she had the possibility to look this beautiful every day, while being equally proficient in her field of work. Maybe her civilian counterpart was meant to live a longer, happier life than her. Maybe that woman was destined to have her love requited.

The brunette suddenly forced herself out of her reverie and reprimanded her subconscious severely for creating such a ludicrous thought. She had repeated this to herself many times in the past and she would continue to do so as many times as it was needed: she would _never _give up or even neglect her career just to keep trying to win Sasuke's evasive affection.

Much had happened in the past three years, ever since the Uchiha had left them to search for power. Despite the heartbreak and humiliation she had suffered as a consequence of Sasuke's defection, Sakura remained faithful to her love for him; no matter how many times she desired to be egoistical, to give up on him and his twisted mentality which had prompted him to refuse friendship, love and_ family, _the kunoichi found that she could not. And how could she, really? In comparison to her teammates' pain, what she had felt every hour of each day in the two years the Uchiha had spent away from home was an absolute nullity. She berated herself every time she felt the need to babble some mundane issue that bothered her to Naruto, and the sheer _guilt _she had come to feel merely because she had a happy past and her teammates did not had progressively tormented her into being unable to express even the smallest hint of sadness around them.

Therefore, when the news of Uchiha Itachi's demise reached Konoha in the form of Sasuke returning home, bruised and bloody and barely standing, Sakura had done nothing but nurse him back to health and try to cater to his needs without being overbearing at all; many had noted her peculiar, even uncharacteristic behavior: she had simply pushed all her own regrets and disappointments into the farthest place her mind could provide, in order to keep caring for the wronged boy.

What she had been ignoring for a year, however, was how doing all that – wearing only smiles around the newly formed team and scolding herself harshly each time _she _felt any sort of negative emotion – was eating at her soul. Because the way everything had reverted to the way it used to be was not as wonderful as she would have believed. Because the concerned – worried – looks Naruto sent her way made her stomach churn in guilt. Because Sasuke, while visibly willing to start anew after avenging his family, did not seem to notice or _mind _what she was doing to herself, and this pained her more than anything.

The two maids reentered the room, prompting Sakura to exhale through her nose in barely concealed tolerance – what had taken them so long? Admittedly, this mission was particularly different from what their team was normally assigned to do (i.e. generally make things explode and create utter natural catastrophes), but the kunoichi was observant enough to comprehend that their task was meant to hone their deception skills and overall finesse. This knowledge did not make staring at her reflection any easier, especially as the skinny, breakable-looking women proceeded to add the finishing touches to her makeup and then sigh dreamily at the beauty they had polished over the course of at least three hours.

''If only you'd lose all that muscle, dearie,'' one of them said, critical eyes assessing the finely protruding biceps Sakura had worked blood and sweat for and the musculature of her thighs, visible through the dress when she was seated. A vein popped on her forehead, then, but she did not answer; for some reason, civilians seemed to believe the ideal kunoichi was one who could smash rocks in her fist and run at top speed for twenty-four hours, while maintaining the appearance of a fashion model. Sakura was tempted to snort: after all, she had believed the same thing years ago when she'd graduated the Academy and considered the best thing to do in order to celebrate was commencing a _diet._

''I don't see why a diplomat would need so much training anyway,'' the other woman agreed, adjusting the soft pearls in Sakura's brown hair with a perfectionist's touch.

The kunoichi in disguise found that moment to be opportune for answering back, at last. ''This profession requires the ability to protect oneself. My escorts could be killed at any time during travel,'' she explained with a perfectly fake smile, while wondering when she would finally be spared of this torture.

The maids inhaled sharply and shook their heads as if to get rid of a morbid thought – most likely a reaction to the nonchalant way Sakura had addressed death.

''You're ready, dear,'' the medic was finally told. She did not need a second cue to leave the room, which she had to do slowly, balancing on the high heels with care, after offering the maids a healthy tip for their trouble.

The immense hotel Team Sakura was housed in during their stay belonged to no other than the mayor of Earth Country's capital, Arakawa Osamu. Tsunade had informed them of the man's importance in the state and his influence on the Daimyō's decisions concerning external affairs; it was why their mission had the possibility to become S-ranked in the first place.

Team Sakura's role was to sabotage the negotiations between Earth and Water by impersonating two Water diplomats and their escorts, who had been successfully disposed of by a Konoha ANBU team. To do so, the four-man squad would have to participate in the large gala organized by the extravagant mayor, who had a significant appreciation of all luxurious events and exquisite company. Konohagakure had reason to believe Earth and Water were progressively working on bettering their relations in order to later conspire against more powerful, allied nations, such as Fire and Wind Countries. Therefore, the diplomatic gathering had to be sabotaged at all costs, and it was imperative that Konoha's involvement remained hidden, even at the price of their own lives.

As she walked through the hallways in search of the familiar faces of her teammates, Sakura had to admire the beauty surrounding her in the form of immense crystal chandeliers illuminating every room and corridor, the marble tiles on the floors that led to tall, silver-curtained windows; it felt as if even the different portraits on the white walls and the elegant engravings on the ceiling matched the blizzard outside, and Sakura felt a chill running up her spine, despite the warmth radiating off the refined people who conversed and sipped from tall glasses of champagne around her, and the functioning decorative heaters positioned strategically in the building.

Before she could wonder how this was even a hotel and compare the modern environment to Konoha's traditional style, a large hand found its way to her uncovered shoulder and a glass of rosé wine was smoothly slid into her hand.

Sakura turned around without exposing her surprise at being caught off-guard and met a pair of crystal blue eyes that could belong to no other than Naruto. Immediately, the sight of her teammate relaxed her and she offered the tall blonde a grateful smile, while her eyes were unable to resist the temptation to assess him from head to toe with a shocked glow. It was apparent that his appearance had been taken care of with just as much meticulousness as hers, and Naruto even had the twitching vein on his forehead to hint a surplus of his tested patience.

His habitually unruly golden hair was pushed to the back of his head by a powerful gel, and Sakura barely suppressed a giggle when she realized they had put the tiniest bit of makeup on him to hide his birthmarks – something the medic was actually thankful for. He was wearing a formfitting dark blue tuxedo with a matching bowtie that made him look mature beyond his barely achieved sixteen years of age, shockingly so, in fact. The practiced smoothness of his movements and expressions indirectly confirmed to Sakura that he was taking the mission seriously, unlike he did with other, less challenging assignments, when he easily took the liberty to pounce on enemies while shouting something ridiculous that usually concerned ramen or how Sasuke was an utter imbecile.

''Looking sharp, Naruto,'' the kunoichi winked with a small grin, unperturbed by the fact she had been openly staring – a view like her obnoxious best friend in a tux was indeed something worth staring at. A second later, Sakura realized that Naruto had been doing the same thing, as a blush was visible on his tanned cheeks. He smiled goofily, barely resisting the urge to scratch the back of his head.

''You too, Sakura-chan. Purple really suits you with this hair color,'' he commented, taking a sip of his champagne with intentional classiness. The next moment, he was frantically removing the glass from his lips, having comically comprehended his mistake. ''I-I mean, you look great in anything no matter your hair-''

In the past, Sakura would have probably taken offense shallowly, but now she was clearly aware that purple was _not _a good color for her natural hair, so she chuckled softly and shook her head, putting an end to Naruto's rambling. And she had been enjoying his mature actions, too.

''Where are the others?'' the team leader whispered once they were calm enough to begin strategizing. She subtly slid her arm around Naruto's, pleasantly surprised when he held his elbow perfectly straight, like a real gentleman. Affection surged through her at his sheer dedication.

They passed an elderly couple, who was apparently so impressed by how well they must have looked together that they nodded in their direction approvingly. After returning the gesture, Naruto and Sakura shared a quiet snicker and the Jinchūriki took the opportunity to report to his Captain, while making the information sound like a coy comment regarding what had transpired.

''I talked to Sasuke before they started dressing us up. He and Sai are on the second floor, since they're just our escorts and they don't get special treatment,'' he said, a hint of amusement marring his deep voice. Sakura was still having a hard time accepting the fact that _Naruto's _voice had matured so acutely, now almost rivaling Sasuke's infamous baritone.

''We should intercept them ASAP. The party begins in half an hour,'' the kunoichi responded, eyeing the horologe at the end of the corridor with narrowed eyes. Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in thought.

''Isn't it strange that they're planning a diplomatic conference in the middle of a freaking gala?'' he questioned. Though his teammates often scolded him for being dense, Naruto was certain even he knew that negotiation was something very serious, performed formally in a less luxurious environment and definitely without various carriers of noble titles to assist. This was beyond bizarre, in his opinion.

After she took a moment to evaluate the consequences of pummeling her teammate through the damn floor and recreating a gruesome scene from the Third Shinobi War, Sakura sighed patiently. _Happy place. Happy place._

''Honey,'' she started sweetly, careful not to include his name in the inevitably loud tone she was using due to repressed anger. She was able to control her emotions, however, and explained their predicament in the simplest terms she could find. ''The entire reason we are here is because this meeting is going to be held in such suspicious conditions: it took a lot of risks to even discover this is not an ordinary noble fest, and that is why our village became apprehensive about it and decided to sabotage it in the first place.''

Naruto's cerulean orbs lit up in understanding. ''Oh, I see!''

Sakura had never felt so much physical pain through the mere act of _smiling. _''I'm glad.''

_Why didn't I give Sasuke the role of a diplomat, again?_

Ah, yes, of course. He was still not to be fully trusted. Even though a year had passed since his return and the exceptional feat of defeating an international criminal had given him the rank of Chūnin – to the chagrin of a certain Jinchūriki, who had been so excited to see his best friend take the Exams – he was never given a central role in missions that required complete loyalty to the village, such as this one.

Sakura would always smile sadly at the fact that she was the team's Captain, even though all her teammates' level exceeded her own. It had been said to her many times by many people: a squad leader was not the strongest; he was the one who could assess the situation objectively, being fully aware of the team members' strengths and weaknesses and applying their talents accordingly. He was also supposed to keep the squad in harmony and end all conflicts. Even her teammates – even _Sasuke – _had acquiesced that, out of all of them, Sakura was the best for the role.

But it still bothered her.

''Come on, Naruto. We have to regroup, now,'' she tugged on his arm, stubbornly pushing all depressive thoughts to the back of her mind. It felt as if even the eternal rise and fall of the sun distressed her these days.

They climbed the spiral stairs with elegantly masked haste, slightly anxious at the sight of all other guests descending, obviously headed towards the immense dining hall situated on the base floor. Sakura cursed the stupid maids for taking so long to prep her – they could not, under any circumstances, afford to be late _or _separated. Even the smallest breach of protocol could cause suspicion to arise.

The moment she set her heeled foot on the second floor, however, the petite sixteen-year-old came face to chest with a tall gentleman, whose dark eyes appeared to be incapable of removing themselves from her form, though Sakura was too busy concealing her gasp to notice such a subtle occurrence.

It took her a decent number of seconds to realize she was standing before _Sasuke. _He looked as stunning as usual, but in a more refined way: he went all black with his tuxedo and wore a crimson red tie, while his raven hair was tied into a nearly overwhelmingly appealing bun.

Had she not stared so much herself, Sakura would have caught the hungry look he had unconsciously sent her way upon sight and recognition. As it was, when her viridian orbs found onyx, all they met was hardly obscured annoyance.

''Where _were _you?'' Sasuke growled as silently as he could, firmly pulling Sakura's arm from Naruto's and beginning to lead her downstairs, yet not before sending a glare Naruto's way. As an equally formalized Sai started his descent also, careful to observe as much human interaction as he possibly could, Naruto grinned and subtly lifted his arms in mock surrender.

Sakura thought the small exchange between Sasuke and Naruto was just the usual: Sasuke being bossy and Naruto being much too preoccupied by the mission to respond to his arrogance at the particular moment. It did not occur to her that what had just transpired was a blatant display of possessiveness.

To say that Sasuke was annoyed was an understatement. First, two _disgustingly _meek and insubstantial maids spent hours – _hours – _deciding how exactly to style his spiky hair to better flatter his aristocratic features, then they actually dared to demand he remove his clothes so that they dress him up, an event that proved to be particularly unpleasant for the last Uchiha, and, of course he had to be lucky enough to discover the cologne they had _bathed _him in was identical to the one his deceased older brother would use at formal events in their childhood.

The gods had decided to throw Sai and his absolutely despicable lack of social skills in, therefore he had found himself in a desperate search for Naruto and Sakura during the last fifteen minutes, mingling through crowds of snobs and trying to escape his teammate's improper inquiries that simply did not _cease, __**ever. **_

It was during that brief period of wracked nerves that Sasuke realized they would be inexcusably late if they did not regroup soon and, above all other factors that contributed to his foul mood was seeing Naruto and Sakura's linked arms. Not even her dazzling appearance could mollify him in that instant: even though he had determined that he would fix their obviously shattered bond_ slowly _so that he did not mess it up this time as well, he was unable to repress the growl rumbling deep in the back of his throat at the sight and reacted accordingly.

When they finally reached the ground floor, the lights had already been turned off, only to be replaced by the blinding silver glow of crystal candelabrums placed on each ebony table in the festivity hall. Team Sakura needed to politely pardon their way through a mass of standing guests, trying to find their host in the crowded area.

Since Sai was a public danger in disguise, the task to keep the dark-haired Root effectively silent fell on Naruto's shoulders, to the blonde's distress. Even though Sai was focused on the task at hand, he still had moments when curiosity nearly overtook him and he prepared to ask an undoubtedly inappropriate question, only to be quieted by a rather comical glare, courtesy of his teammate.

When they were unable to find a man who matched the description in the assignment scroll and the jazz music began to permeate the air, making their quest that much more difficult, the two pairs split up, maintaining a safe distance between them.

It was compulsory that Naruto and Sakura allowed a little bit of their apprehensiveness to seep through their countenance: a perfectly constructed mask could be a hint to their real profession. Therefore, the two took the relieving liberty to look around more freely than their partners, even tripping clumsily on different chairs and exaggeratedly long gowns – though Sakura suspected Naruto's performance was not entirely intentional.

The loud noise of collected voices speaking and the intoxicating smell of different perfumes and alcoholic beverages were bothersome to a ninja's sensitive sense organs. Sakura muffled a sneeze in her free hand, the other one still in Sasuke's vicelike grip. She was trying not to read too much into this impulsive gesture, but with each second that passed and he failed to relinquish her, it was becoming increasingly difficult.

Just when the medic was about to give into her own hidden desires and reciprocate the tight hold, Sasuke released her hand like it had burned him, onyx eyes focusing somewhere in the distance. The pang in Sakura's chest was inevitable and she winced at her hurt feelings, but she steeled her resolve almost immediately and followed Sasuke's gaze.

The reason why he had reacted so abruptly became apparent: a middle-aged man, the spitting image of the description given to them by the Hokage, was seated at the largest table in the enormous hall, laughing heartily as he whirled the pipe in his hand and occasionally eyeing the fest around him with an expression of utmost satisfaction.

It was their man, alright.

Sakura and Sasuke quickly caught their teammates' eyes and the Uchiha nodded almost imperceptibly, transmitting the message to the pair a few tables away. The jazz singer began an obvious improvisation that prompted the crowd's applause, while a horde of waiters served appetizers to the mostly seated guests. Sasuke clicked his tongue inaudibly: they were going to have to engage the mayor soon, if they did not desire to be the only people left standing.

He shared a glance with Sakura and both proceeded to make their way towards the redheaded, slightly overweight authority, meeting Naruto and Sai along the way.

''There are four empty seats at his table, all of them closest to him. He's definitely expecting us,'' Sai observed mechanically, bypassing a waiter smoothly and planting a fake smile on his face to disguise his professionalism.

Sasuke grunted an agreement, wordlessly straightening his elbow for Sakura and also working on appearing as pleasant as he could possibly be – which, in his teammates' opinion, was a sight to see. Sakura barely had the time to comment to herself on how Sasuke's pose was much more naturally elegant than Naruto's before they successfully found themselves beside the influential mayor.

''Greetings, Arakawa-sama,'' Naruto and Sakura bowed deeply in unison, practiced teamwork visible in their very actions. Sasuke felt the need to scowl once more, but the aristocratic smile on his face remained solid.

The bulky man's attention snapped to them and he seemed instantly pleased by the sight before him, grey eyes widening only a fraction at Sakura's beauty, which immediately caused protective instincts to awaken in Naruto and Sasuke and vast confusion in Sai.

''Welcome, welcome,'' Osamu inclined his head as he lifted himself off his seat, smirking in approval when Naruto and Sakura bowed deeper at the gesture, while Sasuke and Sai almost bended their backs in a ninety-degree angle. The Uchiha inwardly seethed at the amusement he was certain was dancing in Naruto's sky blue eyes at his predicament – only one more year and he would be fully trusted again.

''Fashionably late, I see,'' the mayor jested, notably large hands motioning towards the completely occupied seats at the table. ''I appreciate that, I appreciate that.''

A tedious introduction to all dignitaries around them followed, the original Team 7 inwardly groaning at the redundant comments concerning their individual physical appeal and concealing the stress that came with the knowledge that Sai, despite all the instructions he had been given, could ruin what their patience was achieving with a single word.

The Root ANBU had done his homework, however, never desiring to cause his new friends discomfort, and he was nothing but pleasant, to the delight of the ladies. Finally, they were allowed to take their seats and take small – frustratingly microscopic, Naruto complained in his mind – bites of delicious food.

''We are infinitely grateful for your generosity, Arakawa-sama,'' Sakura said smoothly, an obvious attempt to divert the conversation from dangerous grounds, such as certain affairs between the two countries that they were unaware of. ''The clothes and service you have kindly offered us are more than excellent and they are deeply appreciated.''

The three males were tempted to snort at Sakura's amiable, utterly calm demeanor, all of them remembering the various flavors of pain her fists could grant in an inopportune moment. It only served to prove how well she was acting out this particular role.

After a few more tennis games of compliments in which all members of Team Sakura were careful to participate, Osamu smoothly refused the serving of deliciously smelling stew, an action that prompted the appearance of a most hilarious expression of barely concealed anguish on Naruto's features.

''Please pardon my rudeness,'' Osamu addressed his other guests, smiling encouragingly at the four disguised shinobi by his side. ''But I must show our wonderful companions the flower garden on the last floor. I am very proud of its inauguration and I doubt they have been given a proper tour yet.''

Everyone approved of this lustrous idea, making various comments on the rare assortments of blossoms the mayor had amassed and hired the most gifted arrangers to align in an amazing display of color and scent. The four ninja lifted themselves off their seats after Osamu had risen, performing the necessary formalities before they could depart, while only one thought lurked in their heads alongside a surge of adrenaline.

_This is it._

Predictably, once they left the bustling festive hall, no less than six Iwa ANBU materialized at Osamu's side and three ceremoniously clothed men followed, exiting the hall as well – obviously assigned to participate in the secretive gathering.

All traces of cordiality disappeared from the mayor's face and the Konoha nin considered this to be the cue for them to thankfully do the same. Osamu smirked as they walked through empty, dark corridors, which lacked the magnificence Sakura had admired when they'd been lighted. Sounds from the gala they were leaving vaguely made their way to their ears as they walked together in calculating silence, climbing the stairs monotonously until they reached the highest floor of the twelve-storey building.

''I have to admit Water Country sent quite the skilled representatives. No one suspects a thing about this, as it should be,'' he grunted, inhaling long and hard from the pipe he had been careful to bring with him.

They all took Osamu's statement as a compliment to Konoha and their individual skills.

''But what I want to ask is… do you _really _know what we're here to settle on?''

The question was directed to Naruto and Sakura only, even though Sasuke's tongue itched to save his teammates from the dangerous inquiry with a firm rebuttal that was resting on his lips. Sakura hesitated, the knowing tone of the mayor causing her to doubt her original knowledge of a supposed import-export ordeal – after all, the exact purpose of the meeting was what they were there to _find._

Naruto shocked everyone by scoffing. ''With all due respect, you have only just praised our skill, Arakawa-sama. It does not serve you well to doubt our expertise seconds after commending it.''

The teeth of Sakura's inner persona clattered at the force with which her jaw hit the ground. _Hell yeah, Naruto!_

Osamu reacted to the masterful counterstatement by releasing a gratified howl of laughter, patting the Jinchūriki on his shoulder while nodding his head in compliance. ''Good, very good,'' he said, hinting that they had passed his test.

Two ANBU swiftly pushed a door open to reveal a room that was considerably smaller than all other facilities existent in the enormous hotel. It was a windowless enclosure with nothing but a table with eight chairs and a gas lamp situated inside.

Sasuke's obsidian eyes narrowed as he was urged to take a seat. The very atmosphere was ominous enough to make his senses tingle, and a particularly harsh noise of wind hitting the walls outside caused a shiver to run up his spine. He suddenly had a very bad feeling about this.

''So, tell me, then,'' Osamu began speaking, his voice unexpectedly descending an octave. ''How are the spies stationed in Sunagakure progressing?''

Sakura nearly choked. Her master's suspicions had been correct, it seemed: they _were _plotting against bigger nations. She quickly came up with an ambiguous response. ''Everything is going according to plan, at the moment.''

One of the men seated beside Osamu brought his hands underneath his chin, piercing Sakura with an intense stare. ''We are pleased to hear that, especially since none of your undercover shinobi have been discovered yet, as we have heard. Let us overlook the details this time,'' he said to the other two next to him, who looked ready to begin demanding more detailed responses.

Team Sakura exhaled through their noses in relief.

''What we wanted to discuss is this: Earth Country considers it is time you sent spies in Konohagakure also. Their internal affairs must be investigated as thoroughly as Suna's.''

Sai smiled pleasantly. ''Why is it that you do not send your own shinobi in Fire Country?'' he asked, quickly deducing what any other negotiator would demand in their position.

Osamu snorted, displeased. ''Your escort seems to be much more unaware of our deal, ambassador. Is he not supposed to be silent?'' he scoffed towards Naruto. The Jinchūriki grinned nervously, mentally cursing Sai's lack of verbal restraint: the man was good for silent assassination missions, not assignments that required social skills even Sasuke struggled to simulate he possessed.

''Pardon him, Arakawa-sama,'' the Uchiha intervened, unable to hold his tongue much longer. The situation was becoming extremely delicate, as they could not begin working on ruining the two countries' relations before they extracted every piece of information they could about the progress made against Konoha's ally. This mission reeked of S-rank. ''However, he and I would not be here if we were not qualified to listen and speak. Despite the developments in Sunagakure, our resources are suffering.''

Sakura was quick to catch on to what Sasuke had keenly deduced about the understanding between Water and Earth, and she nodded in encouragement, thanking the gods for the Uchiha's genius.

''We are thankful for your monetary support. However, our shinobi, while very effective, are few. I am afraid that distributing our forces in two locations would affect their performance.''

The four Earth Country representatives recoiled in thought, grunting their disapproval, but ceasing their accusations. Sasuke and Sakura would have high fived each other, if not for the environment which prevented such actions.

Osamu exhaled. ''If we send shinobi in Konoha, we will have to reduce the amount of money we use to sponsor you,'' he said, gesturing with his pipe in a matter-of-factly fashion.

Sakura nodded, trying not to appear too bothered by the pungent smell of nicotine in the room that lacked any form of ventilation. ''That seems fair, as long as the money we do receive is inversely proportional to the number of agents you send in Konoha and, of course, to the results they produce.''

Her interlocutors seemed less than pleased with her conditions. ''It appears that you consider Suna and Konoha's security to be equal in terms of efficiency, Yamamoto-san,'' one of the men who had been silent until then argued, using her alias. ''Surely you realize the ludicrousness of your demands. It would be nearly impossible to infiltrate the high ranks of a shinobi village of Konoha's caliber while sponsoring your village.''

_Bingo._

Naruto inwardly cheered for Sakura and snickered at the look of undeniable pride that appeared on Sasuke's features, definitely without the Uchiha's knowledge. Had he not been aware of Sakura's inner tumult, the blonde would have happily agreed to watch the entertaining game the two idiots obliviously engaged in every day. As it was, he merely sighed at Sasuke's deficient romantic skills and decided to get this mission over and done with.

''I'm afraid this matter is not up for negotiation. Our nation is unstable enough as it is, and if partnership with Earth Country proves to do us more bad than good, we will not hesitate to cease it immediately.''

A deafening silence descended upon them, the atmosphere becoming suffocating. The Konoha ninja could almost _feel _the pulsating anger underneath the skin of the four dignitaries, while the ANBU standing beside them robotically prepared their bodies for potential combat.

''Well, if that's how it is, I have a request,'' Osamu grinned sardonically, lifting himself off his seat and crossing his arms over his bulky chest. ''Please send the Water Country our best regards, along with a ripped contract.''

Sakura almost leapt for joy, her mind screaming the utter success of this delicate mission. She knew her teammates had identical emotions, even though they all sighed, bowing respectfully to their hosts and feigning utmost disappointment in the failed negotiation.

Just as they were about to graciously take their leave, Osamu spoke again. ''A message can be delivered in many ways,'' he mused. ''The biggest impact is achieved when it is not delivered at all, wouldn't you agree?''

All hairs on Sasuke's body stood on end at the foreboding comment, while his other teammates visibly paled. Ironically, Sai was the one who attempted to calm the waters, but all words that would have come out of his mouth were silenced by Osamu's nonchalant sway of his pipe as he and the three other men left the room.

''Kill them.''

Before she had time to even blink, a katana was swiped Sakura's way. She mentally cursed, battle instincts prompting her to crouch to the ground; a chill found its way through her chest at the _whoosh _of the sharp steel passing over her head, but she recovered from the feeling shortly, turning around on her heels with some difficulty and straightening one of her legs in an attempt to disrupt her opponent's balance.

The ANBU jumped away from her attack, giving the medic a brief moment to rise to her feet. Three shuriken were shot her way and she parried with the senbon she had hidden in her hair, gripping the four deadly needles in her left fist, while she used the other hand to grab the kunai from underneath her dress. These were all the weapons she had managed to place on her person under the watchful eyes of the maids who had dressed her, other than a single mini bomb hidden underneath her sash. This fact caused her to curse in frustration.

The table fell to the floor in a vertical position with a loud _bang _as Naruto and Sasuke took cover behind it, a dozen shuriken embedded in the wooden surface within seconds. They were taking on three opponents at once, while Sai was struggling against the other two. None of them could possibly brag about the number of weapons they currently possessed, and using chakra could not only overexert them, but it could possibly expose their identities as well – only twenty percent of living shinobi could use the formidable energy, and the four of them were well known in the bingo books for this remarkable feat.

Sasuke was tempted to activate his bloodline limit so he could see whether the specialized ninja fighting them possessed a chakra pool or not, but doing so would mean immediate unveiling: he was the last living Uchiha, after all. Therefore, he gritted his teeth and continued fighting in the cramped space, the three enemies taking so much of his and Naruto's concentration that they were unable to check on Sai and Sakura's progress. Being an ANBU himself, Sai could certainly recognize and decipher certain fighting patterns of his attackers, thus making the uneven physical battle a little bit easier for him.

He was the first to kill an opponent by mercilessly placing him in the way of the other ANBU's katana. To the man's credit, he was not even close to losing his composure after murdering a colleague, but his attacks became much more heated, forcing Sai on the defensive instantly.

Out of all of them, Sakura was struggling the most. Combat was not her primary area of expertise, unlike all the other ninja around her, as she specialized in medicine and leadership. Her master had taught her to use her brain during fights, however, and the kunoichi was doing just that. Without the exhausting use of chakra, her taijutsu was subpar to her opponent's; therefore, she focused on evading his attacks until she lured him closer to the wall leading to the cold world outside the building.

Catching her leaning against the solid wall, the ANBU leapt towards his victim. Much too late, after Sakura had jumped to the side and yelled a warning to her teammates, he saw the ticking explosive attached to the wall. It detonated upon contact, breaking the rock with a deafening blast and spreading the ANBU's blood and remaining body parts all over the destroyed room and its inhabitants.

Due to being so close to the explosion, Sakura was covered with grime, bruises and the dead man's blood, her own life liquid pounding in her ears as she desperately tried to find her balance and get to her feet. A detached part of her brain observed that she most likely had a concussion, but the pain in her head and different parts of her body blocked all rationality from reaching her. A pair of strong arms roughly pulled her up, causing her to scream in horror with the belief they belonged to the enemy, only to be hushed by whom she barely recognized to be Sasuke, whose lips were moving restlessly without forming any words she could hear over the crash in her ears.

She finally realized her position. The Uchiha was crouched next to her protectively, while Naruto and Sai kept the enemies away from them until their teammate recovered. Then, Sakura finally felt the brutal cold hitting her skin in the form of rock hard fragments of ice: they had an opening to escape, but she needed to get up first.

''Come on, Sakura,'' Sasuke rasped, trying to steady her. The wind broke his hair free of all restraints and the softness of it caressed both their faces frantically as he pulled her to her feet. It took all of Sakura's willpower to stand straight as she kicked the hindering sandals off her bare feet with a vengeance. The wind and the sounds of battle merged, creating an inferno of terrifying noises.

''We need to jump! Naruto, Sai!'' the Uchiha called to their teammates, still supporting his worryingly dizzy Captain with one arm.

After parrying a particularly deadly strike of a katana with his kunai, Naruto risked taking a look outside and groaned. ''We're too high up, Sasuke! We're going to die if we jump!''

A series of murderous threats flowed from their enemies' mouths, while Sai yelled that he could hear others coming towards them, most likely alerted by the blast. The sway of Sakura's bare feet and the purple color steadily appearing on her lips further contributed to the growl in Sasuke's voice when he yelled back.

''We're going to die either way if we don't jump, you moron! There's snow to ameliorate the fall!''

Naruto hesitated for one moment only before he screamed an agreement and threw a smoke bomb on the ground. The ANBU barked orders to each other and attempted to attack through the dark fumes, but Sai threw all the sharp projectiles he owned in their direction, unaffected by the telltale moans of pain and sounds of steel piercing flesh.

''Temē, if we die here, I'll kill you!'' Naruto addressed Sasuke a moment before he threw himself into the abyss below, quickly followed by Sai in his descent.

Sakura made a final effort to force herself into complete awareness, only for her eyes to suddenly focus on a mass of Iwagakure ANBU barging inside the room, yelling and pulling weapons at the ready. Before she knew it, Sasuke sharply pulled her body into his chest and they fell backwards into freezing nothingness, her screams drowned by the howling wind.

_**XXXXX**_

When Sakura finally opened her eyes, the first thing they came in contact with was irregular darkness. She panicked momentarily, wondering if this was death and, if it was, how she had come in contact with it.

Fragments of memories found their way into her mind with each second that passed, however; she was able to recall the apparent success of their mission, after which came a gruesome, unexpected encounter with trained shinobi who obviously were superior to them battle-wise, in their conditions: they could not risk using spiritual energy, which was their biggest asset as chakra shinobi. She remembered the explosion she had caused and its effects on her; she remembered Sasuke's panicked expression as he tried to lift her to her feet; she remembered how her team had leapt into the abyss.

_My team… My team!_

Despite not knowing whether she was dead or not, Sakura bolted upright, only caring to find out what had happened to her comrades. Agonizing pain shot through her head at the action and she suddenly felt a biting sensation of cold on her skin. Much too absorbed in her torment to rejoice over the fact she was definitely alive, the kunoichi also failed to notice the instant movement at her side.

''Sakura-chan, that's really not a good thing to do right now,'' the unmistakable deep voice of Naruto scolded her gently, referring to her impulsive decision to move so suddenly after having suffered a concussion. He sounded impossibly exhausted, but he was so close Sakura could feel his warmth and a bubbling sentiment of relief prompted her to open her beryl orbs and break into a wide smile at the sight of his crooked grin.

''God, Naruto!'' the injured medic breathed, not thinking twice before she engulfed the Jinchūriki in a weak, yet heartfelt embrace which he immediately reciprocated, neither caring about the stench of blood and sweat they emanated.

''Sure, hug the idiot.''

The voice brought tears of elation to Sakura's eyes. She relinquished Naruto, to his playful chagrin, and turned to the side to see Sasuke lying on his back underneath the same makeshift blanket made out of torn material she realized she had been tucked inside, one arm resting lazily behind his head as he stared at her with a lifted eyebrow, ignoring the various cuts and improvised bandages on his face.

''Sasuke-kun!'' she cried happily, too overwhelmed by the relief of seeing the most important people in her life safe and sound to care about the Uchiha's personal space. She threw herself over his exhausted form, resting her head in the crook of his neck; she realized he must have been just as emotionally drained, because he brought his free hand to the small of her back instead of lying motionless or downright refusing the embrace. Her heart leapt at the reciprocation and at the way the Uchiha closed his eyes and buried his head in her messy brown hair. Beside them, Naruto smiled softly, leaning back on his elbows and appreciating the silence for once.

''Does this confirm the theory that people become emotionally closer when they are nude?''

Naruto and Sasuke froze. At first, Sakura was jubilant to find out Sai was alright somewhere to her right, but then she fully processed his words and pulled away from Sasuke to look at herself and at all the males around her.

They were all. Stark. Naked.

''Kyaaa!'' she shrieked, diving under someone's ripped pants and trying to use the material to cover certain parts of her exposed body. She had been sitting upright for quite a while by then, not to mention the revelation that she had pressed her breasts into both Naruto and Sasuke's naked chests. They had even taken her _panties _off.

''What the fuck, you three?!''

Ignoring the murderous glares from Naruto and Sasuke, Sai considered it was his responsibility to answer Sakura's question. ''By the time Dickless and I managed to distance us enough from our opponents and find this cave in the mountain near the hotel, Traitor had already fallen unconscious due to taking the fall for both of you and you presented symptoms of moderate hypothermia. All of us were affected by the cold, and the best solution was using our clothes as a blanket after drying them and sharing body heat.''

Under the pants, Sakura was beginning to see the logic behind all of it, even though she was still incredibly embarrassed: this was the first time her teammates saw her naked and likewise. She almost plucked her eyes out when they showed signs of traveling towards a suspiciously purple scrap of silk covering Sasuke's _ahem. _

The worst part was that none of them appeared to be bothered by _her _nudity, which was both insulting and uncomfortable. Peeking out from underneath the pants, Sakura flushed even more at the proud smirks on Naruto and Sasuke's faces, definitely able to guess why their masculine ego was inflating.

''Why are you so relaxed about this?'' she asked the two of them, subtly allowing the material to slide off her breasts, only to see their eyes still trained on her face. She already knew the answer when Sai was concerned, but the other two confused and even offended her. Were they homosexual?

The Root was suddenly crouching above her in all his naked glory, traumatizing the kunoichi for life and staring intently at her exposed chest, before suddenly removing all other materials covering her and nodding to himself. ''It's because you're ugly.''

All feminine pride returned to Sakura when Sasuke and Naruto proceeded to pummel Sai to the other side of the cave, before she could even lay a hand on him. The fact that they had to rise to their feet to do so also encouraged her motionless, speechless stance, and she finally felt her desired satisfaction when they returned to the improvised sleeping bag, Naruto coughing into his fist and Sasuke turning beet red, as two sixteen year olds should.

''We've been here for a day and a night, Sakura-chan,'' the future Hokage found a suitable explanation, once again maintaining eye contact with her.

Sakura's jaw slackened. ''You mean that's your way of telling me you've been _staring _for a day and a night?'' her voice sounded dangerous. She was beginning to ignore the dull throb of her healing concussion in favor of glaring at both of her teammates, while a toothless Sai stumbled back beside them, patiently waiting for the moment when Sasuke and Naruto received their fair share of pain.

Naruto gulped. ''I had to undress you! And I treated your head! I'm not to blame. Blame the bastard, he's the one who woke up with his face in your boobs and found nirvana!''

''What the fuck.''

''…''

''Oh, I see, Sakura-chan, you don't mind when it's _him!_'' Naruto's voice had a teasing edge to it, which made Sakura splutter and Sasuke smirk victoriously.

''B-baka! Of course I do mind! Neither of you has the right to stare at me when I'm vulnerable!'' she made a point of glaring at the Uchiha during her speech, after which she crossed her arms over her naked chest and huffed.

Their chuckling, deep voices were _infuriating._

That was how Sakura fell back into slumber, the soothing chakra Naruto had forced himself to push into her head wound requiring an unconscious state to work fully. Sakura had drilled basic medical techniques into her teammates, just in case such accidents occurred, and all three of them could heal such inconsequential wounds, albeit without the perfect precision she possessed.

Once they were certain Sakura was asleep, Sasuke and Naruto commenced a fierce glaring contest, to Sai's piqued interest.

''I woke up with my face in her boobs and found nirvana, eh?" Sasuke growled, his injuries preventing him from finding the necessary energy for activating the Sharingan.

Naruto harrumphed in response. ''Not my fault you can't keep your eyes to yourself. I had to undress her to save her life. What's your excuse?''

The Uchiha tch-ed. ''Don't look at her again,'' he warned, causing Naruto to release a laugh and annoy him even more.

''I won't, when you finally pick your guts from the ground and actually do something about your feelings, other than glaring at every guy that looks her way,'' he said daringly, directing a soft, brotherly gaze towards Sakura's sleeping form that hushed all denial threatening to come from Sasuke's lips.

''Damn it, temē, you're hurting her and I hate it. I love both of you – hell, I even love that blockhead over there,'' he gestured towards Sai exasperatedly, the ANBU tilting his head in recognition of his own person and causing the other two to sigh. ''I hated seeing you suffer when you were obsessed with revenge, and it's the same with her. _I _know you've changed, but she doesn't, because you won't show her and hell if I know why, Sasuke. So, you either get your shit together, or I'll pound sense into you until you do,'' Naruto promised, deciding that enough was enough, on both sides. Especially after all of them lived through a near-death experience merely a day ago, he felt an overpowering urge to just do something about the hollowness, the fakeness in Sakura's every smile and Sasuke's desperate need to find a new purpose in life.

The Uchiha was silent for a long moment, onyx gaze resting on the sleeping kunoichi's form softly. ''I… don't know how, usuratonkachi,'' he finally confessed, barely a whisper. The knowledge disgusted him, but Itachi's death had not been even remotely as gratifying as he'd initially believed. The only emotion born out of his achieved revenge was repulsion towards death as a whole: he had repeated the deed his brother had done, he had killed his own flesh and blood, and the only thing left for him to do was return home like the lost child he was, craving a new beginning.

Emotions he had previously repressed found their way into his heart, and he welcomed them with the slightest reluctance at first, but their effects were so different, so _pleasant _that he'd begun to desire more and more of them.

Sakura, however, was so incredibly difficult. She had never shown a single glimpse of the negativity he knew she was feeling around him or even Naruto, who was her best friend. For the first time in what felt like ages, he simply did not know what to do, how to go about something.

A warm, tanned hand rested on his bare shoulder and Sasuke lifted his gaze to see Naruto grinning from ear to ear.

''Work it.''

The Uchiha sighed. He was right: some things he needed to figure out on his own. But then again, he liked a challenge – he would fight.

''Was that 'pillow talk'?'' Sai ruined the moment completely with his innocent question, trying to understand the avalanche of emotions colliding in the gazes of the two best friends. Sasuke fought the urge to groan, calming himself instead.

''No, Sai. That was a friend helping another,'' the Uchiha smiled crookedly, a strange warmth filling his chest when he saw how Naruto _beamed _at what probably was the nicest thing Sasuke had ever said about him. It was as much gratitude and acknowledgement he was likely to ever receive from the stoic prodigy, but Naruto still thought it was plenty. He would have hugged him if not for the mental images of that particular position in their current state of undress.

Looking at the two, Sai took mental notes on their friendship and allowed a small, genuine smile of his own to curl his lips upward. It felt… nice.

A second later, Sakura bolted up as if stabbed, startling everyone else out of their skin.

''Oh my god! The mission! What happened?! Were we discovered? How the hell did you get all the way here without chakra? _How are we going to go back home?!'' _she screamed in mortification, looking at all the ripped materials over their bodies that had once been clothes. They had _nothing _to dress themselves with. Zero. Nada. Hell, she didn't even have any shoes! And a single glance towards the entrance to the cave, far behind them, proved that it was still snowing heavily. And she had _fallen asleep._

_Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit._

A muscled arm snaked around her bare waist shamelessly and pulled her back down. ''Will you be quiet?'' Sasuke mumbled in her ear, sending pleasurable vibrations throughout her entire body until her toes tingled.

''B-but-''

''Sai managed to transport an ink bird back home,'' Naruto explained, also deciding to lie down and rest, as he had strained himself the most during the past hours. ''Kakashi-sensei is on his way. And the mission is a success, by the way,'' he winked her way, grinning when she visibly relaxed. ''But try not to nearly blow yourself up in the future, Sakura-chan. We like you around.''

She blushed when Sasuke grunted his approval of Naruto's words in her ear, wondering what had happened to the Uchiha to make him so… cuddly. His arm was still wrapped around her middle, respectfully staying on her ribs, and he did not seem willing to remove it anytime soon. Naruto was contently silent – _Naruto – _and Sai was lying next to the blond Jinchūriki, looking _happy._

It certainly did not seem like her concussion had healed, but it was not like she cared, really.

Right then, they owned no food, no clothes, no weapons. All they had were screwed up team dynamics, a bizarre love triangle and general lack of common sense that manifested in many ways, such as blatant violation of personal space, shameless assessment of private body parts and violent physical assaults.

None could have felt more content.

''I read that it is common for teenage males to compare penis size when they are naked in each other's presence. Would you like to begin now?''

They groaned.

''_Sai.''_

_~Fin~_

_**Unimportant AN: **_**Phew. Let me start by saying I wrote about 845895738957 versions of this thing before I was content with it. This story is basically me saying I want to write again, despite my unstable schedule, various activities I have to coordinate – because I'm important like that – and general lack of motivation. I wanna wriiiiiite. **

**So, let me please explain my master plan. I want to write various disastrous missions Team 7 carries out in this universe; they will be mostly unrelated in terms of plot, but I want to elaborate on romantic development and interaction (which is my weakest point, because I'm like the female version of Sasuke when it comes to this thing), and also team fluff, because who doesn't love team fluff?**

**It's not that I absolutely adore writing fighting scenes. Psh. No. Nope. Heh. Anyways, this is where **_**you **_**come in. Please give me ideas. All kinds of ideas. Whatever your heart desires to happen to these guys to almost kill them. I'm not promising I'll write something that does not inspire me and I definitely will not update every day, but I am willing to commit to this thing if I am encouraged to (because I'm currently lacking motivation to do anything but write commentaries on Petrarch and make synthesis of the Peloponnesian War, which is **_**sad).**_

**So yeah. Please do tell me what you think, and if you want to send me ideas to work with (please make them fit this particular universe and the obviously established pairing – even though I couldn't stop myself from including some NaruSaku, sorry :P ) do review/PM me to suggest them. If not, just your opinion/criticism would make me that much happier and willing to continue writing; and, if you just desire to read, thank you for taking the time to!**

**I apologize for the monstrous note. I tend to ramble online. Hehe. **


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